I don’t know what I’m doing

Force her onto the breast. Never force a baby to feed.

Make sure you get your postnatal check. We aren’t doing postnatal checks at this time.

They should poo once a day. It’s okay if they go a few days without pooing.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. When the baby is sleeping use this time to get stuff done.

Don’t hold your baby too much, they will become needy. Enjoy the newborn cuddles, the time goes too quickly.

These are just some of the conflicting messages I have received over the last 7 weeks of having a baby and it led me to thinking, I have no bloody idea what I’m doing. But then again, I don’t think anyone does. You don’t know who to believe or who to turn to for advice.

The internet is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a place for you to get reassurance, but it is also a place to misdiagnose and overthink. Since becoming a Mum I’m worried about everything. Should her poo be this colour? How many ounces of milk should she be having and what happens if she doesn’t have that? How many nappies should I change in a day? Should my newborn be making so many noises when she sleeps? I’ve never been on the NHS website more in my life. My mind is always in overdrive and it is so hard to switch off. I’m jealous of Matt who can peacefully sleep next to me, whilst I’m thinking whether that cough is something sinister or checking to see if she is still breathing. I don’t know whether it’s because we grow them, but I feel one with her - if she hurts, I hurt. 

I’ve never loved a person as much as I love Ivy. All I want is for her to be safe, healthy and happy, but my god is that exhausting. Does it get any easier or is this just a feeling I should expect to have for the rest of my life now?

Jess x